Surrounded by Narcissists: Or, How to Stop Other People's Egos Ruining Your Life

This book is an excellent layman's introduction to narcissism and how you can deal with narcissists you may encounter in your life. The many examples and anecdotes of this type of behavior helped me to understand what narcissism is and how I can handle it on a daily basis. I was even helped to understand some of my own narcissistic behaviors. The writing is very clear, and assuming English is not the author's first language, the author is very fluent in the text. I did find a few examples of sentences that I had to read a couple of times in order to get the meaning, but the book far and away is smooth sailing and the development of the subject is direct and logical from start to finish.*

This book verified a lot of things I knew, as an empath, I attract narcissists. I found the 4 different types of empaths a fascinating take on a subject I know a lot about. I'd say I'm somewhere between a blue and green since they classify us by colors. I'm one of those that thinks "I know what you are, you don't fool me"! This book gives sound advice on how to recognize narcissists and gives great tips on how to handle them. A great guide for anybody who has to live or work with this type of personality.

Author Thomas Erikson has a specific way of looking at the people around him. He’s developed a system for classifying people using the DISC system. He divides people into four main groups: Dominance (Red), Influence (Yellow), Stability (Green), and Compliance (Blue). Using the color designations as a shortcut, he can speak to the qualities, strengths, and weaknesses of each personality type using the colors as a shortcut.

And if those four DISC qualities sound like an oversimplification of the complex human experience, Erikson understands that very few people are only in one category. He recognizes that most of us are a combination of colors and experience a more layered life than these descriptions offer. But the way he uses these colors to describe how people react, or how narcissists can use someone’s weaknesses against them, hit home for me so hard when he described exactly how a former boss forced me out of my job, and in a way I hadn’t been able to put into words myself. With this simple system is a lot of understanding of human behavior.

For his latest book, Erikson takes his system and applies it to narcissists. I think most everyone has encountered one, whether it be a boss (or former boss), a classmate, a coworker, a family member, or just someone you recognize in the public eye. Erikson uses his DISC system to show readers how narcissists read people and can figure out the most effective way to control them.

But most of this book is simply a deep dive into what a narcissist is and how to recognize them. And more important, he gives people very strategic ideas for getting away from a narcissistic relationship. Erikson talks about our culture and how it contributes to the growing number of narcissists we have, and he talks about about how much of personality comes from our environment as opposed to what we’re born with. And while all that is important and interesting, it’s not the best part.

The best part of Surrounded by Narcissists is how well Erikson understands how destructive manipulators can be and how much time he spends helping readers get out of those toxic relationships—or to avoid them altogether. There is so much smart advice about what to say and not to say, what to do and not to do, that those struggling with someone in their life that they think may be a narcissist can find understanding and relief in these pages.

I really liked Surrounded by Narcissists. I have read some of Erikson’s work in the past, and I am a fan of his DISC system. It has helped me understand my own behaviors as well as the people around me, and I think that’s made me a more thoughtful person. And as someone who has felt vulnerable to manipulative people in the past, I loved how specific Erikson was in giving advice in dealing with narcissists. I think this is a fantastic book for anyone who needs to find a way out of a bad relationship, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a work thing. He gets it, he has thought long and hard about what to do about it, and he’s sharing all he knows with us. I hate calling books a must-read, but Surrounded by Narcissists just may be a must-read in today’s culture.

Egalleys for Surrounded by Narcissists were provided by St. Martin’s Press Essentials through NetGalley, with many thanks.

"Surrounded by Narcissists" is an insightful and compelling guide that delves deeply into the intricate world of narcissistic personalities. The author, with remarkable expertise and clarity, unravels the complexities of narcissism, providing readers with an in-depth understanding of how to recognize and navigate interactions with narcissists.

One of the standout features of this book is its thorough examination of the different types of narcissists. The author categorizes narcissists into several archetypes, each with distinct characteristics and behaviors. This classification helps readers easily identify the specific type of narcissist they might be dealing with, whether it's the grandiose narcissist, who thrives on admiration and attention, or the covert narcissist, who masks their self-centeredness with a facade of humility and victimhood.

The book also offers practical methods to identify narcissists in various settings, be it in personal relationships, workplaces, or social circles. Through detailed descriptions and real-life examples, the author equips readers with the tools to spot red flags and recognize manipulative behaviors early on. For instance, the book discusses the telltale signs of gaslighting, love bombing, and the constant need for validation, which are common tactics used by narcissists to control and exploit others.

Furthermore, "Surrounded by Narcissists" provides valuable advice on how to protect oneself from the toxic influence of narcissists. The author emphasizes the importance of setting firm boundaries, maintaining self-awareness, and prioritizing one's well-being. There is also a comprehensive section on which types of narcissists to avoid altogether. For example, the book advises steering clear of malignant narcissists, whose lack of empathy and propensity for cruelty can be particularly damaging.

In addition to its practical guidance, the book is also an enlightening read that fosters a deeper understanding of human behavior. The author's engaging writing style and well-researched content make it accessible to both those who are new to the subject and those seeking to deepen their knowledge.

Overall, "Surrounded by Narcissists" is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to navigate the challenges posed by narcissistic individuals. Its thorough analysis, practical identification methods, and protective strategies make it a must-read for anyone seeking to safeguard their mental and emotional health.

Narcissism is a word thrown around a great deal recently. I hear " He's a Narcissist " , S,he has Narcissistic tendencies" .In the culture of today's world where one is taught to put themselves first, it is not a surprise that there may be such thoughts. So what exactly is a person like who is a Narcissist? This is the first book I've read on this subject that delved in deep to every characteristic., beginning with the fact that Narcissism is a personality disorder. There is no medication that will fix it or any therapy that would cure it. What is the difference between a person that has a great self esteem and is successful and a Narcissist?. Read this book to have that question answered in a crystal clear way. Many examples of behaviors in various situations. In one of the ending Cahapters there is a test on "Are you a Narcissist? This is a book that I will re read and refer to. Thanks to NetGalley, St Martin's Publishing and the author for the opportunity to read and review this book. It publishes on June 21, 2022

I was intrigued by this title having worked with people showing narcissistic tendencies so I was intrigued to learn more -- the subtitle is "How to Effectively Recognize, Avoid, and Defend Yourself Against Toxic People (and Not Lose Your Mind) [The Surrounded by Idiots Series]" - and what I appreciated about the book is that in the very opening chapters he clearly states that to truly diagnose someone as being narcissistic should be done by a trained professional. But that people can exhibit narcissistic type behaviors and our society tends to promote and reward some of these behaviors.

Erikson uses the DiSC theory (personality assessment) as a basis for looking at personality factors and human behavior which is extremely relevant to my workplace since we use DiSC as a tool for individual development/self awareness and for team effectiveness.

Also helpful is the understanding that beneath it all narcissists want control -- that is exactly how I have experienced these type of people in my work and life -- it is so refreshing when you realize that you will never be able to please them no matter what you do -- that knowledge has freed me up to stop wasting energy on trying to please them. Erikson also outlines some other techniques and I have used some of them and find they work really well -- such as, break the pattern (put a pause before you react) or become a broken record without letting yourself get triggered. The latter chapters address cultural/society issues as well as parenting. I am actually interested in reading other books in "The Surrounded by Idiots series!"

This book gave good examples of specific behaviors that narcissists would use, so it helps to educate the reader, yet it was repetitive in it's explanations and descriptions. It also sought to label people as colors (red, blue, green, yellow) based on answering a series of questions. Both my husband and I scored ourselves, and we didn't fall into any specific color group, so when the author referred to people as "reds" or "blues", it was rather annoying. People are complex and can't be simplified so easily. Overall, it was a light, informative read that left me feeling better equipped to avoid people who exhibit certain behaviors as soon as they emerge.