Two Scoops Of Hellfire

Chapter 1

Kain

Iwas no stranger to being summoned to the mortal realm. Every few hundred years or so, some foolish mortal stumbled upon my particular set of runes, dreaming of wealth and power beyond their wildest imaginations. I, being the oh-so-generous demon that I am, would comply…for a price.

A familiar tingle danced on my skin as the pull of summoning magic guided me out of hell. Despite myself, I felt giddy. It had been millennia since a mortal was strong enough to pull this off. What would the fool ask for this time? The last master had called upon my services to unleash hellfire to vanquish the Holy Roman Empire. Before that, my mistress had used my strength to obtain power as a pirate captain hoarding gold from sea to sea. It all ended the same way. They became drunk with power, and their corrupted souls were all the easier to eat. No matter the case, a demon could always look forward to playing with their newest toy.

The aroma wafting from the end of the portal was sweet and…burning? A female warrior then? Perfect! Anticipation had me clenching my fists in preparation to lay siege on the battlefield as soon as my feet hit the floor. First impressions were important, after all. With a roar for show, I jumped through the portal, concentrating my hellfire into a flaming sword.

“Be it holy soldier or thieving pirate, all shall know the wrath of Kain the Destroyer!”

“HOLY CHEESE AND RICE, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” a woman shrieked. I turned to face my new mistress but slipped on a gooey substance and fell flat on my ass. The flaming sword dissipated into nothing.

Well, that’s humiliating.

“What is this sticky filth, human?” I demanded. It coated my whole body in swirls of pink and white mess. I looked around the room used to summon me. An ancient demon who was also completely covered in white powder. Is that…egg yolk on my foot?! What is this place?

With a snarl, I wiped some of the pink mess off my arm when my heart seized. Cowering in the corner was my new mistress, she who commanded all of my attention and refused to let go.

She trembled before my imposing form, brandishing a large wooden spoon as a weapon. Her long-braided hair was dyed purple and sat on a high bun. The dark sepia of her skin was splattered in the same goop that coated my waist. Her feet scrambled as she struggled to get up before slipping on more of the goop, while her big brown eyes stayed locked on me in fear.

This… was unorthodox, to say the least. To make matters worse, I could not feel the power of my summoning scroll anywhere. So how the hell was I here?

“How were you able to summon me?” I demanded.

The purple woman burst into tears and waved her arms around her. “I don’t KNOW, OK?! I was just trying to bake cupcakes. You were supposed to be buttercream frosting!”

Gunk slid down my leg and alerted me to the mess at my feet. The sink I was standing in was coated in more of this ‘buttercream.’ Slippery handprints littered the area. If I squinted my eyes a bit, the frenzied smears could possibly count as Hälsinge runes. If written by a drunken man spawn.

“Who or what are you?” She gathered her courage to clamber upright and held the spoon before her like a sword.

Adorable. Adorable and horribly useless.

Focus.

I needed to keep my thoughts on the task at hand, but my eyes couldn’t help but rake over the woman’s plump form. Though her breasts were unfortunately hidden by a frilly apron with the English words for “Kiss The Cook” sprawled across the chest. A tempting suggestion. One I fully intended to abuse once she stopped crying.

My cock pulsed at the thought of peeling off that frilly atrocity as I helped her clean off all that cream.

Shit. Focus. Don’t scare her off.

Her gaze shifted down before her rosy lips parted slightly, then averted her gaze. Peeked again, then snapped her eyes to the floor. Oh. I was naked. It seemed her sloppy butter runes were not enough to summon me without my demonic armor. All the better. Now I knew she liked what she saw.

With a thud, my feet hit the tiled floor of the kitchen. She squeaked and took a step back. In the most non-threatening posture a war demon could muster, I drew my hands up in surrender.

“I am Kain. Kain the Destroyer. Did you miss my earlier introduction?”

The purple woman attempted to back further away but slipped and fell on the buttery floor.

“K-Kain?” she stammered. “Kain the Destroyer? What kind of weird DnD crap is that? What are you destroying aside from my kitchen?”

“Armies, assassins, kingdoms, the structural integrity of a bridge once. Whatever my mistress commands. Though by the looks of it…you destroyed your kitchen.”

My mistress’s nose scrunched up in indignation and I fought back the urge to smile. She crossed her arms and fixed me with a glare. But it only served to make her far more appealing than any human had the right to be.

“I…this…this is just a work in progress! All a part of the learning process.” She threw up her arm, gesturing to the destroyed room. As if I were a fool to not see the brilliance at hand.