Beautifully Broken Spirit (The Sutter Lake Series)

PROLOGUE

JENSEN

PAST

The wind lifted my hair off my neck, swirling it around my face. It carried with it the calls of birds overhead and the scent of the surrounding pine trees. I stared out at the fields around me. They dipped and rolled, meeting up with forests that ran into snow-capped mountains.

My palms pressed into the rock beneath me. This was usually one of my two favorite places in the world. My boulder on the five hundred or so acres that my parents had gifted me on their ranch in the hopes that I would make my home here. This was the place I came to when I needed to think. To get away. To daydream. To feel peace.

Now, I felt nothing. Just a radiating numbness that seemed to make my fingers and toes tingle, the same way they would if they’d fallen asleep after sitting in the same position for too long. God, I wished I were sleeping. That the past three months had been nothing but a nightmare.

Tears tracked down my cheeks. I did nothing to try and staunch the flow. I kept hoping that, eventually, I’d be all cried out. That there would be no more tears left to cry. And when that happened, I’d miraculously know what I was going to do.

“Little J, I didn’t know you were back from college.”

The rough voice jolted me out of my thoughts, and I quickly did my best to wipe my face. I stretched my mouth into a bright smile—the same expression I’d been forcing so often lately, it felt as though my face might crack in two. “Hey, Tuck. Surprise trip.”

Tuck’s gaze traced over my face, and his angular jaw, dusted with dark blond stubble, went hard. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Just getting a little peace away from the crowd at the ranch house.”

Tuck rounded the boulder, his broad frame crowding me, dominating the seemingly infinite space. “Little J…”

I gave him my best mock scowl. “Stop calling me that. I’m not exactly little anymore.”

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging on the strands. “I’m well aware. Now, stop trying to change the subject. You’ve been crying.” He glanced in the direction of the ranch house. “Do you want me to go get Walker?”

“No!” Of course, he would offer to get Walker. My brother had been Tuck’s best friend since before the two could talk. And the three of us had practically grown up together. But the last thing I wanted in this moment was my brother.

Tuck settled himself next to me on the rock. “Jensen.” His use of my full name had tears pooling in my eyes again. He pulled me into his side and wrapped his arm around me, giving my shoulder three quick squeezes. “What’s going on?”

“I’m in trouble.” The words came out in a hiccupped staccato beat as I tried to hold in the sobs.

“Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

I shook my head. “I’m pregnant.”

Tuck’s body went as rigid and still as the stone we sat on. “What?”

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.

Tuck shot up. “I’m going to kill that fucker.”

The sobs came in earnest then, wracking my body.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Little J. Come on, don’t cry.” Tuck wrapped both of his arms around me this time, holding me tight to his chest. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Cody left me.” I sucked in a breath. “He doesn’t want me or the baby.” I curled myself into a ball against his chest. Tuck’s warmth enveloped me. He was comfort. Home. I never wanted to leave this spot. Because here, there was no judgement about the fact that I hadn’t even completed my freshman year of college, and I was pregnant and alone. No judgment that I’d fallen prey to the pretty words of a handsome senior boy. That I’d thought he loved me.

Tuck’s lips brushed my hair. “That makes him one seriously dumb fuck.” He kept his voice quiet, but I could hear the rage simmering beneath the surface.

I burrowed deeper into Tuck’s hold. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

He pulled back, tipping my face up to his with a single finger. “What do you want to do?”

I looked into his pale blue eyes, having no answers. Our gazes held, the seconds ticking by. “I want to go see the herd.”

Surprise flickered across Tuck’s expression before a gentle smile pulled at his mouth. “You got it.” He stood, offering me a hand. “Come on.”

Tuck led me towards his truck, parked just on the other side of the fence that separated our families’ ranches. The same two families who’d founded the town of Sutter Lake a century ago. I loved the history of this land, and that it held all my roots. I’d always planned to build a home and family here, and I’d thought I found the man I was going to do that with. But I was so wrong.

I squeezed my eyes shut, attempting to force the thoughts from my brain. My lids opened as Tuck released my hand to launch himself over the fence. I shook my head. Always the show-off. I opted to duck between the rails. Tuck was there to offer me a hand as I straightened.

We were silent on the hour drive to the national forest, Tuck seeming to sense that I needed more time to put my thoughts into words. That was the thing about my friendship with Tuck—we always accepted each other just as we were. No pretense or pressure. When we were together, we could just be.

As paved roads turned to unmarked gravel paths, I still didn’t have any answers. Tuck pulled off the lane, shutting off his truck. “You up for walking?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “I’m pregnant, not dying.”

Tuck rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what all pregnancy affects.”

I reached over, giving his shoulder a pat. “It doesn’t affect my ability to walk.”

“Then let’s get walking.” Tuck jumped from his rig and rounded the vehicle before I could fully get my door open. “Careful.”

I rolled my eyes. My brother and Tuck had always been overprotective. No bullies on the schoolyard dared turn their cruelty towards me. Boys rarely asked me out for fear of the threats Walker and Tuck had leveled on the one who had. I went to prom with my AP bio lab partner, who was more interested in dissecting frogs than what might be under my dress.

Maybe if Walker and Tuck hadn’t been so overprotective growing up, I wouldn’t have been so damn gullible, falling for the first guy with pretty words and a charming smile that I came across. And if I’d thought they were overprotective before, I had a feeling pregnancy would take things to a whole new level. I sighed. It wasn’t their fault. There was no one to blame for my situation but me.

I lowered myself to the ground without Tuck’s help. He scowled. “I’m fine, you grumpy grizzly.” His scowl deepened, and I laughed. “Let’s go.”

Tuck studied the forest around us. He’d always had a special relationship with nature. He seemed to hear voices that didn’t reach anyone else’s ears. Maybe it was the fact that tracking had been passed down through Tuck’s family for generations. But I thought it was a connection that was uniquely his.

He inclined his head towards a hillside. “This way.”

Silence reigned again as we walked. Tuck led, careful to point out any downed logs and hold back any tree branches that obstructed my path. Twenty minutes later, he slowed, coming to a stop at the edge of a clearing.

My breath caught. It didn’t matter how many times I’d seen a similar sight. They were just that beautiful. Across the clearing, I counted at least a dozen mustangs. Wild, like they had been for generations. The stallion studied us, trying to decide if Tuck and I posed any threat. We ducked our heads, breaking eye contact, showing that we didn’t intend to challenge his authority here.

Tuck tugged on my hand. “Let’s sit.” He pulled me towards a downed log, and we settled there.

It was Tuck who had introduced me to these creatures. In middle school, I’d been having a tough time with some mean girls, and he’d brought me out here, just like his grandfather had done for him. I’d fallen in love. Whenever life felt out of control, this was where I wanted to go. To see the beauty the world had to offer. The magic. The wildness that still reigned free.

My eyes caught on the tiniest of creatures behind one of the mares. Still wobbling on his new legs, the foal couldn’t have been more than a couple of days old. I fisted Tuck’s shirt. “Look.”

“They’re puttin’ on a show just for you today.” I could hear the grin in his voice but couldn’t force my eyes away from the foal.

“He’s perfect.”

Time flew by as I lost myself being with the horses. Let them remind me what family should be. Protection, loyalty, love, care. I stilled as a curious mare approached.

“Steady now,” Tuck whispered, keeping his head lowered while fixing an eye on the mare.

“I know.” I didn’t move a muscle as the horse drew closer. She sniffed the air around me, my hair, my shoulder, and then zeroed in on my belly. At three months along, there was no bump, but she sensed something. The horse sniffed my middle and then nuzzled my stomach. I sucked in a breath.

“She’s pregnant, too.” Tuck’s voice came quietly from my side. “She wants to show another mama some love.”

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I took in the mare’s swollen belly. I resisted the urge to stroke her, to throw my arms around her neck and bury my face in her coat so I’d know that I wasn’t alone in this. The stallion let out a whinny, and my new friend backed away, returning to her family.

I met Tuck’s Arctic blue stare. “I’m scared.” I ducked my head, unable to keep his gaze.

Tuck lifted my face with a single roughened fingertip under my chin. “Being scared just means you care about something. Nothing there to be ashamed of.” Our eyes locked. Held. Tuck dropped his hand and balled his fist.

I bit my lip and nodded, my palm traveling to my belly. “I love this little person already.”

“I know you do.” Tuck gripped my neck lightly, giving it a squeeze. “You’re not alone, Jensen. Families can take any shape, and sometimes, the unique ones are the most beautiful.”