If You Only KnewAudiobook

I was nervous at first that Kristan Higgins's first chick lit novel (she usually writes category romance) was going to be silly — the opening scene, while entertaining, bordered on too slapstick for me. She quickly gets into her groove, however, and what is overall a light, funny novel also has some moments of real poignancy. I cried!

If You Only Knew tells the story of 30-something sisters Jenny and Rachel. Jenny is a successful wedding dress designer who moved from NYC to her hometown in Connecticut, in part to start over because she's struggling to let go of her "perfect" ex-husband, who remarried and has a baby but still wants Jenny as a close friend. Rachel is a happy, devoted stay-at-home mom of 3-year-old triplet girls, who soon has to confront her life isn't quite as idyllic as she thought it was when she finds a crotch-shot pic texted to her lawyer husband.

Overall, I liked the main characters, there were plenty of twists and turns that kept the pages turning, and both of the sisters —who started out pretty doormatty— have some real growth throughout. Oddly enough (considering Higgins comes from a romance background) I wasn't particularly rooting for who I assumed was Jenny's love interest, the glib, handsome building super who is also teaches piano from his home and, frankly, was often kind of a jerk. Yet, what the heck, I kind of liked that I didn't know if I liked him... so even though Jenny fell in love, I as a reader kept riveted wondering if her feelings were justified.

Overall, a grabbing read with a satisfying yet not predicable ending.

I have long been a fan of Kristin Higgins and automatically pre-order all of her books. I didn't realize beforehand that she was venturing into a slightly different genre of fiction with this one, but I was riveted by it nonetheless. As others have mentioned, this one is about two sisters, their relationship with each other, their issues, and their relationships with past and present men in their lives. Rachel, the oldest, is married, has three precious triplet daughters, and, seemingly, the perfect life. Jenny is divorced and a successful businesswoman who's moved her business to her hometown. At the request of Owen, her ex, she has remained friends with him and his new wife Ana-Sofia; the couple has just had a baby which she helped deliver! The friendship makes her stressed and uncomfortable, which is the main reason she's moved. Rachel accidentally discovers her husband Adam is sexting and having an affair; Jenny is attracted to her unconventional neighbor/super Leo, who sends mixed signals and keeps insisting he doesn't want a permanent, committed relationship. The story is told from the POV of both sisters, in alternating chapters. Some readers find this off-putting and/or distracting or confusing. I don't. Instead, I find that it gives readers in-depth insights into the thoughts and feelings that Rachel and Jenny are experiencing. I suspect that some readers' aversion to first-person POV is that they are much more accustomed to the traditional third-person POV that was standard for so long. Some readers found the sisters weak. Well, let me talk about Rachel first. As someone who once discovered that a longtime, seemingly devoted boyfriend was a lying, hypocritical cheater, I can totally relate to Rachel's story. I understand the shock, anger, betrayal, and bone-deep hurt that you can experience when someone you love deeply and think is The One you can trust implicitly shatters your world. My cheater was a boyfriend; such behavior by a husband would multiply those feelings a million-fold. Some reviewers thought Adam's character was unbelievable, I think his actions and behavior are typical of a man who wants it all -- both his wife and family AND his mistress. I think Adam did love Rachel in his own way, but, obviously, not enough and not exclusively. I think Rachel knew deep down when she saw the picture on his phone that he was cheating, but she was in denial at first, which I think is a fairly normal reaction for a wife who suddenly discovers her husband is stepping out on her. She just doesn't want to believe it. While Adam was a realistic character, I truly hated him. He knew how to manipulate Rachel to keep her in his life as long as he did. Going to counseling and pretending/trying to toe the line made her believe that maybe they could work through his infidelity and keep their family together. I think Rachel had to evolve to the point where she could finally make the ultimate decision to leave him, which was definitely the right decision in her case because it was obvious he was incapable of being a faithful husband anymore. She was ready to pursue the idea of going back to work and to downsize and give up the beautiful, perfect, all-I-ever-wanted home she'd created for her family. (The home/life Adam kept dangling in front of her as another incentive to stay with him.) Plus, I liked the fact that there was indication Rachel would eventually find happiness with her former co-worker, who'd always harbored feelings for her. He (Gus) seemed like a very decent man. As far as Jenny is considered, yes, I agree she never should have consented to continue being friends with Owen, her ex. That was a toxic situation for her on so many levels. Leo hit the nail on the head immediately when he said Owen was just trying to salve his guilty conscience for dumping Jenny so abruptly. I think Jenny agreed to the "friendship" because initially she still loved the ex and wanted him to remain in her life in some fashion, and she didn't anticipate him remarrying so soon. Later on, she just didn't know how to end it without looking even more like a loser in the eyes of her so-called friends in NYC. I was very happy when she finally told him off. The only thing I wish is that she didn't add the statement about remaining on his Christmas card list. Leo was a complicated, tormented character who kept pushing Jenny away, but he needed her as much as she needed him. I was quite pleased they got their HEA. I wouldn't mind a follow-up novel or novella in which Rachel's HEA with Gus is assured. After going through so much with Adam, she truly deserves it. This was an emotional read and often brought tears to my eyes. It is definitely one I will read again in the future.

So, whenever I am feeling like I just want to escape to the reading room, hiding away from the worries and responsibilities of life for a little while, one of my favorite authors to turn to...is Kristan Higgins. Really, I could just pick up any one of her novels and know that it's a safe bet that I will be greatly entertained for the next several hours. This author writes with panache...with a certain je ne sais quoi (translation here is...I don't know what!). I don't know exactly how. I'm just so very glad and immensely grateful that, to date, she has only published sparkling gems of stories. The characters are flawed and layered and charming...like real people! I laugh like a lunatic while reading a Kristan Higgins book. LIKE A TOTAL LUNATIC!!!

While I have loved all of the Sparkling Gems, I have never truly found myself saying, "Hey, this character reminds me of myself because..." I just fall in love with them and want to know them. I want to have sleep overs where we would braid our hair and talk about men and siblings and mothers. We would consume vast amounts of chocolate and potato chips and the wine. I refer to Kristan Higgins heroines as adorkable...my kind of people! Every time I start a new book, I am immediately captivated by this new heroine. It is so obvious that Ms. Higgins listens to the character's voice and tells her story. THAT IS NOT A GIVEN IN THE LITERARY WORLD I can't wait to see what this new character's life looks like and what shenanigans shall ensue.

This book, this If You Only Knew. I went in, expecting something different per the warning that it is something different. I found the trademark Kristan Higgins humor, thank goodness! There were two main characters: sisters. She totally did this thing. She totally drew a story that told the story of both of these women, in their individual voices...a double narrative. They were sisters, so there were obvious similarities in their experiences and the building of their character. However, they were very different in their interpretation of shared events. And even though that was the case...even though they had lived through the same celebrations and heartaches while young, they each developed their own unique view on what it meant to be successful as a woman. They each had a vision of what would bring personal fulfillment and what they needed from a romantic connection. I was particularly intrigued by the disparity in their relationship with their mother. I don't have a sister. I have brothers who may or may not have been dressed by yours truly as sisters at one time or another.

To say that I was deeply moved by this book would be like saying that I kind of like Ben & Jerry's Boom Chocolatta. I WAS A MESS! I DID relate to BOTH sisters AND their mother! Nothing absolutely exactly alike. Just similar enough to completely grip my heart within my chest. But it was all of that and more. It was also the epiphany that we all have this power to decide just how we will react, respond, and move on from life's experiences. There is no reason to believe that you must passively accept any of the joys or the sorrows. I was actually reminded of the new movie from this summer, Inside Out. All of the feelings are so critical in getting us through all of the things. To deny any of them is to lose something or to remain stuck in gluck. Very cathartic this was. And beautiful.

This could be called a love story in that Jenny fell in love with Jenny and Rachel fell in love with Rachel. I really don't mean for that to sound trite. For me, those were the most genuine and meaningful love moments in this book. I never tell actual storylines in my reviews because when I read those that do, I get a little tetchy! There is a dreamy man with a story of his own within this novel...Leo, oh, Leo! And there is a dog. Pure Kristan Higgins. Pure magic.

Wow! This book it blew me out of the water. If you want a book that is going to tug at your heart and not let go this is it!! I'm pretty sure I will have a book hangover for days.. if not weeks. At one point my husband said he might take it away from me because my emotions were all over the place. I was happy crying and then sad crying... then there was the anger I felt at times. I'm so used to Kristan Higgins writing HEA novels and even though I knew this was not one of them I was blown away by how this writing style was so different. Way to go Mrs. Higgins I would like to see what other hidden gems you have up your sleeve!!!

Jenny is a wedding dress maker, she makes one of a kind exquisite dresses. She's moving out of the big city to the suburbs. This is a big life change for her, while she has designed dresses for other companies she's branching out on her own. Jenny will be leaving behind an ex husband, his new wife, oh and their new baby. She can't seem to find the motivation to hate them for being perfect. I fell in love with Jenny in the first chapter she's just struggling to make sense with what is going on in her life. When she moves to the burbs she meets Leo her super. He's a really horrible super, however he is the best eye candy she's had in a while. I love that he tells her to stop "eye f***ing him" kills me every time. They seemed destined to be just friends through the whole book. (while me as a reader is like please fall for each other!!) At one point they need to locate the fuse box so Jenny is going into his cellar to fix the blown fuse and this is part of their conversation. "You're surprisingly quiet," Leo says, clicking on a light. "I'm assessing the odds of you murdering me down here" "And?" "I hereby deem you harmless" "How emasculating," he says. "What are you looking for again?" Leo doesn't even know what a fuse box is.. hehe. He has such high walls built around him that you know Jenny will probably never break through.

Then there's Rachel the lovingly perfect sister. With the great triplets (girls) and wonderful husband. Until she see's that text nothing is wrong. Once it starts spiraling for Rachel it doesn't stop. You are so drawn into her tragedy that is taking place. I cried more for Rachel than I did for Jenny. Rachel is the normal mom who thinks everything of the home that they have built. I love her undying love for her children throughout the book. I love how it documents her changing outfits multiple times a day, dealing with pee, poop, and vomit. These are normal things that most novels gloss over. I was up and down about her relationship with Adam. Should she stay or should she go?? There's one point where she admires herself in the mirror and she says about how her stretch marks have faded into small silver marks. How she can barely see them but she can feel them. About how average she is. Don't all of us as mothers feel this way??

There are so many great secondary characters in this book. The girls mother who is very patronizing yet loving. The new friend who would do whatever just to get out of the house. The boutique assistant whom is writing the ever changing novel. The friends that are getting married. Leo whom really isn't secondary but I enjoyed him thoroughly.

This book did not end as I thought it was going to. It kept surprising me with each page I turned. I highly recommend it!!

Jenny: “Today is one of those days when I realize that staying friends with my ex-husband was a huge mistake.”

Rachel: “I don’t want things to change. Please, God, don’t let Adam be cheating.”

FINAL DECISION: The story of two sisters confronting love, marriage, divorce, and personal identity in the modern world, IF YOU ONLY KNEW is heartbreaking and redeeming. Although it is not a traditional romance, this book investigates what it means to love – to love someone else and yourself.

THE STORY: IF YOU ONLY KNEW is the story of two sisters confronting difficulties in love and marriage. Jenny Tate, a wedding dress designer, struggles with her life after her marriage to the doctor that everyone loves fell apart. He has moved on and found a wonderful new wife and has a new baby. They are still friends but Jenny wonders what life has for her when she meets Leo Killian, a piano teacher.

Jenny’s sister Rachel is struggling with her own marriage. Rachel was finally happy with her life as a stay at home mom with three wonderful triple daughters when she finds out her husband has cheated on her. She loves her husband and her life but doesn’t know what to do with her anger at his infidelity.

The story of two sisters who help one another through their struggles, IF YOU ONLY KNEW is about love and forgiveness and the strength that comes from sisters who understand one another’s pain and joy.

OPINION: Honestly, when I read the description for this book, I didn’t expect to like it. I prefer traditional romance books and I was sad to realize that Higgins that turned toward “chick lit” or “women’s fiction” rather than writing a traditional romance as she has done in the past. Despite this, however, I decided to read this book and I am glad I did.

IF YOU ONLY KNEW is not a traditional romance with a focus on a romance and a happy ending but it is a thoughtful examination of the complexity of modern relationships. There are various relationships at issue here such as husband/wife, sister/sister, mother/daughter, friend/friend, ex-spouses.

This book thoughtfully examines the endings of relationships. Both sisters have to come to terms with what happens when trouble comes to relationships. Jenny still has feelings for her ex-husband and allows herself to be drawn into his new relationship in unhealthy ways because she is still clinging to the past. During the course of the book, she finally begins to recognize that her marriage was not perfect, that her ex-husband was not perfect and that she can move to build a new life. Rachel also has to confront an imperfect husband and has to decide whether her marriage is worth trying to save after his infidelity. Rachel has managed to devote herself to her marriage and her children to the detriment of her own identity. Her husband infidelity makes Rachel question who she really is and what her personal identity will be.

While some descriptions of this book depict it as a story of the relationship between these two sisters, I disagree. While the relationship between the sisters is certainly a part of the story, to me this story is really about what the meaning of love, fidelity and relationship is. Both Jenny and Rachel are struggling with their own identity in relation to marriage.

Told in first person by each of the sisters, the book alternates chapters between their viewpoints. The book delves deeply into the emotions of the sisters including bewilderment, anger, fear, affection and love. I loved the honesty and difficulties depicted in the book. It felt fresh and new and real.

For those romance fans, I assure you that there is romance in this book. Perhaps not in expected ways, but this is not a downer of a book. It ultimately has sadness and acceptance, but also joy and the possibility for more happiness.

WORTH MENTIONING: IF YOU ONLY KNEW is not a traditional romance book. It is women’s fiction and the focus is on the struggles of these two sisters and their relationship with one another. I did find the romance in this book satisfying in its own way.

CONNECTED BOOKS: IF YOU ONLY KNEW is a standalone book.

STAR RATING: I give this book 4.25 stars.

NOTE: I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley in order to provide a review. I was not required to write a positive review. All opinions contained herein are my own.